The Day I Drowned

"You called me out upon the waters,
the great unknown, my feet may fail..."
These are the lyrics of "Oceans", by Hill song United.  They make me remember the day I drowned.

Almost ten years ago, yet it is still vivid in my memory like it happened yesterday or even a few hours ago. I spent my teenage in a spiritual sore. I would feel the Spirit of God inviting me into the water. Sometimes to bathe in a quiet almost mirror like sea, others in a raging ocean. But I refused.  I dipped my feet once or twice but I ran back to the sand.

The fight lasted years. I would feel the water pulling me, pulling me, pulling me.
But I wouldn't give in. Why? I don't even remember.  I didn't want to let go of my sins? Yes, I didn't want to let go of my sins.

But one day. One day I left the sore. I gave into the power of the tide. And in an instant I drowned. Water rushed in from every where.  Or I rushed in the water. I don't know.  I do know that I got lost in that vast raging sea. I surrendered,  and in a flash of thunder I got lost in God. I don't want to go back to the sore. I don't ever want to go back to the sore.

"... You threw me into the ocean depths, and I sank down to the heart of the sea. ... "
Jonah 2:3